My flight yesterday was about as terrible as can be expected from an eight-hour daytime transatlantic flight on a domestic airline. And my seatmate apparently was not forewarned about the size of my bubble, because she used me as an armrest when I had my scarf over my face and was feigning sleep. They do get some points back for playing the Stone Mountain, Georgia, episode of 30 Rock during the flight on the one TV for every six rows, but not many. (My advice to everyone traveling to/from Ireland: fly Aer Lingus. They’re fab.) So it was good to land in Chicago and get off the plane. No question.

Now that I’m back in my house, reverse culture shock is setting in. Mostly in the form of the TV. It has so many channels! And they changed the cable menu and channel numbers on me. And this remote is legitimate and the channel button actually changes the channels instead of the volume. What is this I don’t even. But I am thrilled to have DVR and the Food Network back in my life. I passed out to the dulcet tones of Iron Chef America last night, and it was fantastic. We went to lunch on our way home yesterday, and I have never been so overwhelmed by a menu in my entire life. (But my 3:30 p.m. three-cheese omelette was so, so tasty. So I made the right choice after changing my mind seven times, no question.)

Oh, and my dog definitely didn’t recognize me for, like, 30 seconds when I got home. Which was sad. She’s still kind of wary; I think she just assumed I was dead. And the power steering in my car is broken. Which means I have to drive my mom’s Prius today. Which is cool, because it’s a Prius, but which is semi-unfortunate, because I have to readjust to driving after four months in a car that’s not mine; I’ve never driven it before and it’s not a stick but it has a weird gear shift.

Okay. I’m going to eat another bagel and consider making myself real coffee. Or maybe I’ll just get it at Luna. Or maybe I’ll do both. So many possibilities.

It’s not that I’m not excited to be home. I am. I can’t wait to get home and see everyone and be back in the boring old life to which I’m accustomed, and I have so many fun things to look forward to in the next two weeks. (Although I’m glad I wasn’t on campus last week.) But it would be kind of awesome if I could somehow be in two places at once. Or maybe even three. Like, if there could be one of me in the US, one of me in Ireland, and one of me who goes around traveling the world. Or maybe that is just the premise of a really awful sci-fi movie.

But enough with my pitiful attempts at describing my emotional life. That’s all the sappiness you’re getting from me today. Or, you know, ever.

I’m currently squatting in Jacque’s room in Dublin while she’s in Spain. I was supposed to be staying in Lara’s tonight, but after a mix-up between her roommates and the groundskeeper and out of a desire not to spend my last night here on the streets of Smithfield re-enacting “The Little Match Girl,” I’m now in Jacque’s room. Which is more than fine. I’m just feeling lucky to be here; our bus driver nearly hit seven different cars, two pedestrians, and the center of a roundabout on the three-hour drive here. I should probably be figuring out my carry-on/checked bag situation rather than reading people’s blogs and watching Jon Hamm interviews on YouTube and coming up with diverse ways to style my zip-up hoodie based on the temperature of this room… And yet, here we are. Hmm.

For future reference, I plan on keeping this blog to talk about my trip home tomorrow and anything related to reverse culture-shock and becoming re-acclimated to my American life. But for all things related to my American life from here on out, you can check my other blog. It’s not been updated very frequently in the past (on occasion in the summer, sparingly during the school year), but I’m going to try to stay on track and keep it up, even if everything I post there falls into one of three categories:

a) stories about weird things my friends say.
b) links to music videos because I have nothing legitimate to say but don’t feel like writing a paper.
c) theoretical ramblings about pop culture that sometimes I re-read and am not even sure I comprehend.

I do have to say that I’m going to try to keep it within category A as much as possible, because my housemates next year are an unlimited well of blogging material, but if you do choose to stop by every so often, you may actually get a legitimate update about my senior year of college and the state of my life. Or you may get me criticizing TLC programming and commercials for cleaning products. You know, either way.

NBC came up with a new game show called “Trivia Olympics,” in which two teams of four people (two celebrities, two regular people)– one called Team America and one called Team UK, even though all contestants were Americans– compete against each other in a series of trivia-related contests. Since it has always been a dream of mine to be on a game show*, I tried out and made it and brought Lara with me to LA as my guest so that I would have someone to be outgoing on my behalf*. Anyway, my team consisted of myself, a 50-year-old businessman from Iowa, Regis Philbin, and “a mystery guest flying in from Amsterdam.” We were all baffled, and then a jet flew into the stadium we were filming in (is there even a stadium in Los Angeles? there probably is, right?) and off waltzed Miley Cyrus in a sparkly pink showgirl get-up. Then, without any segue whatsoever, she and Regis started singing a musical number.

At which point I woke up in a cold sweat*.

*not actually jokes.

Okay, when was the last time I literally had nothing to do with my life? Like, not the last time I had things to do with my life but chose to do other things like honing my smart-ass skills and reading unassigned things (that was high school), but the last time I literally had no legitimate responsibilities or things on my to-do list? I was probably, like, eleven.

I’ve done my grocery shopping. I’m out of books to read and I want to time my bookstore visit appropriately so that I can just buy one book, finish it on the plane, and then start on all the glorious summer reading that’s waiting for me in boxes in my bedroom. (Oh, online shopping. I can’t quit you.) I have writer’s block. I’ve looked at every single seasonal job listing in the greater Green Bay area and applied for all the ones I’m qualified for that wouldn’t make me want to jab a rusted railroad tie into my hand. I’ve downloaded everything Band of Horses and Josh Ritter have ever recorded. My fall/summer scheduling woes have been successfully remedied. I’ve caught up on all my favorite blogs. I’m drinking Diet Coke and eating goat cheese (my own personal recipe for contentment: caffeine and food!), so I don’t need to acquire either of those things. There’s no point in obsessively checking the BBC website because our airspace is open for reals and for the discernible future. I can’t bother my roommates because they’re all studying for exams. I’m showered and wearing clean clothes. My bags are packed. I already took two naps today. I thought about going to campus to get a good wireless connection so I can watch the last two episodes of Glee, but, guess what, everybody? I’m too lazy to watch TV. And– here’s the ultimate, and I’m warning you all to brace yourselves– MY ROOM IS CLEAN.

Literally, I have exhausted every possible task I can do within the confines of my apartment, and all urgent tasks that require me to leave it.

Long story short: I am a complete waste of carbon today, for the first time in years. And it’s weirding me out. But I kind of like it. And I don’t know how to write any further about it. But this gave me a task to accomplish for, like, fifteen minutes, so that’s legit.

(Disclaimer: In my tally of my lazy days, I am only counting days when I am not with Diana. Every day I am with Diana on summer vacation looks roughly like today, except every odd-numbered day, when we usually go to Kavarna, make a grocery run, or find a park and swing/picnic in it. I miss that beast; no one else in my life shares my predilection for lounging around and reading/writing/watching movies or TV for days on end to the degree that she does.)

Lara’s flight to Chicago got canceled this morning. She’s on Aer Lingus, so she got re-booked for Friday. The rest of us are all heading out of Dublin on Sunday or Monday. Right now, we’re pretty much just waiting for the wind patterns to change– apparently, under normal wind conditions, the ash would be pushed away from the UK, and we should be returning to those in the next three or four days. The rest of Europe is operating fairly normally– I think they can all fly to one another, and they can fly over Ireland and the UK (the cloud is slightly below cruising altitude for transatlantic flights; it’s just getting through it on the way to cruising altitude that can prove to be a problem), they just can’t fly into/out of Ireland, the UK, and a few other places. But it looks like the wind should change and the ash should clear up here by the weekend, and I should be okay to get back to the US on Sunday.

The ash is starting to fall here, which is kind of weird and apocalyptic-feeling. There’s not a lot of it, but it’s still weird to see the occasional papery flake of white-gray junk tumbling from the sky. Almost as bizarre as how much sun we’ve been getting over the past few weeks which is, apparently, part of the problem– it’s another thing we wouldn’t have to deal with under normal wind conditions.

Anyway, for those of you who are following this and wanting to know which sources are the best ones for easy access to information, I’d definitely recommend the BBC’s online coverage if you want to get a good grasp of the whole situation that centers on Ireland and the UK– they post a lot of maps, have the quickest access to UK sources, and have been liveblogging with interesting articles and helpful information up until 6 p.m. each day. If you click on any article on their homepage (www.bbc.co.uk), the tabs on that article will take you to the various portions of their coverage– it’s very thorough and up-to-date, and it’s what I’ve been relying on over here.

However, the CNN coverage is semi-decent if you just want the side-bar bullet points of what’s up. However, it’s slightly delayed and, also, not to make a sweeping generalization, the reader comments and non-journalist/meteorologist/volcanologist/transportation official contributions are just paranoid and unfounded to the verge of being actively hate-mongering. So if you do head over there, don’t scroll past the story unless you want to see a whole bunch of quoted passages from Revelations and accusations that this is all Barack Obama’s fault because he’s the anti-christ and that this never would have happened if we hadn’t passed health care reform. And be forewarned that they regularly forget that Ireland is, um, its own country, so you won’t see it on their list of airspace closures.

When I woke up this morning, my flight for Monday morning was canceled. I called, was put on hold for forty minutes, and then was knocked off the line because my phone ran out of credit. So I called back on Lara’s Skype, which is free since it’s an 800 number, and was put on hold for another hour. I figured, to be safe and make sure I get a flight sometime before, you know, May, I would just search the website for ticket openings and see how far out things are booked. The earliest I could get out on a direct flight (i.e., no three-day layovers in Abu Dhabi for this girl) was a week from today, so I pounced on it and bought it. I don’t even care if I’m reimbursed at this point; I just want to be home. Also: This is exactly what American’s website told me to do, because you can’t rebook online for an international flight with them. But I stayed on the line just to see when it would be okay to cancel my original reservation (or if I even should, for reimbursement purposes), if I can get reimbursed, and how I would go about doing this if it’s possible, only to get reamed out for five minutes by a customer service agent for doing so. I was told I was stupid, asked why the hell I booked a ticket, and then told I couldn’t be reimbursed– contrary to the information on the website.

Like, I get it. I’m sure she wants to deal with reimbursement forms about as much as I do, and I’m sure she’s equally tired and crabby– probably more exhausted since she’s in the US and is therefore awake at a time at which no human really wants to be awake and working, and she’s probably been fielding calls since 4 a.m. when this announcement went up. But don’t tell me that my decision to be proactive and snag the earliest possible seat as soon as I could was “stupid” and that you could have done the same thing for me without my card ever being billed. Because there was never any guarantee that I could get through to an actual human in the near future, and there was no guarantee that I could have gotten a seat on that flight next Sunday by the time I actually did. So, you know, I’m sorry for inconveniencing you with my desire to sleep in my own bed as soon as humanly possible. I don’t think you’re having the greatest day either, but at least you’re getting paid to deal with me, whereas I’m not being given the same privilege in dealing with you. And, also, when you have hundreds of people on hold and I could possibly be paying international calling rates for the call, spending five minutes lecturing me about not doing the thing your website told me to do is not the most cost-efficient use of time for any involved parties.

Luckily, I had the company policy up on my computer and could read it back to her, and I told her I would be writing a letter about this phone call, so I should be getting reimbursed, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was essentially berated by an employee. I get it, woman. Your life sucks right now too. But that doesn’t make me and my desire to just get home as soon as possible “stupid.” I didn’t even ask you to do something that was impossible for you to do– I’m sure your employer has done it literally thousands of times in the past four days– just something you didn’t feel like doing. I haven’t asked you to put me in a hotel, reimburse me for food, or anything else; of all the people who have had to be rebooked twice in the past four days, I’m probably one of the easiest cases you’ve had to handle, so I think you can spare me just this one little thing without feeling the need to harass me. And, you know, you shouldn’t even harass the ones with difficult cases, either.

So, yeah. Won’t be needing your services when this ordeal ends; will be encouraging my friends and family to do the same. Customer service should be a requirement in a crisis just as much if not more than at any other time, and you can’t just expect that people will forget that they deserve to be treated respectfully just because they’re in the midst of a total disaster.

No love,

Kellie

P.S. Everyone stuck here has decided that SNC Study Abroad had better commission us a cruise liner if things start getting canceled later than, like, Thursday. But, you know, we’d settle for the United States of Amurrica doing that as well. Either way.

Couch Cushions

Lara’s Floor

Dublin 7

It’s more decent than it sounds. I mean, don’t get me wrong, these apartments are not fabulous. Jacque and Lauren have a huge inexplicable puddle in their hallway right now. And the bathrooms make this weird purring noise. But if I had to be trapped in Ireland when I expected to be home with three people, being with Lara, Lauren, and Jacque is not the worst, not by any means. Let’s share some example tales:

1. Family dinner tonight after our visit to Tesco, wherein Jacque and Lauren ate salsa on wheat bread.

2. While walking to get kebabs last night for dinner, we saw a guy just staring and waving at and touching these weird engraved metal tiles in front of this one building. Lauren goes, with absolute earnestness, “What do you think that guy’s on? I really want to know.”

3. Lara learning about my habit of saying things that make more sense (both independently and within the context of the conversation as a whole) in my head than they do out loud.

Such as: “Do you think it’s possible to make it rain? Like, to manipulate the water cycle?” and “I think her dad does PR for an order of nuns… no, that can’t be right, can it?”

4. I have been wrapping myself up in blankets and announced that it makes me feel like I’m a Tibetan monk. Lara, five minutes later, thought this was an invitation to help me put my Tibetan monk outfit on– with a blanket-hood. I yelled at her and told her that Tibet was warm and that monks don’t need hoods there.

5. “You make my music sound cooler than it is.” -Lara, after I picked Band of Horses to play on her iTunes.

As of right now, everything out of Dublin airport is canceled until at least 30 minutes after midnight. Which is 12:30 a.m. to some people but is 00:30 over here. Yeah. The UK says its airspace will be closed until at least 7 tonight, and now Sweden, Denmark, the Netherlands, and Belgium have closed their airspaces. So it looks like this cloud of volcanic shrapnel is moving in the appropriate direction for me potentially getting home tomorrow, but, still, no promises. If I do get out tomorrow, at the very least I can rest assured that today’s 10:35 American flight to O’Hare left, so I won’t have to deal with a bunch of rowdiness and potential bumping. I mean, it will obviously be everywhere in the airport, but it should not personally impact my day.

Oh, wait. Shit. England just extended its airspace closure to 7 a.m. tomorrow, at minimum. And that random flight from Dublin to Riga at 1:15 a.m. was canceled, although that flight would probably be moving in the same direction as the ash.

Ack. Anyway. I was not nearly as concerned about this when I began writing this entry as I am now. And I really should call a cab soon so I can get to the station to get on my bus to Dublin. Where I may end up just chillin’ for a few days, who knows? At least I’m pretty much as far west as I can get and the crazy volcanic junk seems to be migrating in a semi-easterly direction. And whether I end up getting home tomorrow or not, I expect there to be blog-worthy stories of upset airline patrons. And now I need to call my cab! I’ll keep you all updated as best I can, and hopefully the next time I contact you, it will be from the US.